A vida tem um jeito peculiar de me manter de pé. Já deveria ter morrido umas 10 vezes, talvez 20, mas eis-me aqui. Entre o boleto vencido e a cria com febre, entre a ligação do big boss e o amor que não orna, entre o choro inlacrimável da mulher que sou e o riso ensaiado. Sim, porque rir é ensaiado quando a conta não fecha e a coragem ameaça evaporar. Mas morrer? Não morro. Não posso.

Você, que agora me lê e talvez compreenda, sabe que a vida de mulher-mãe-trabalhadora é um samba torto, desses que João Bosco canta com voz de faca amolada. “O bêbado e a equilibrista” poderia muito bem ser meu hino enquanto atravesso a cidade carregando mochilas, sacolas e afazeres nas costas, sem nunca permitir que a correnteza leve tudo. Mulher é um pouco isso: sabe que vai cair, mas também sabe que, caindo ou não, terá que seguir andando.

Não se engane, leitor, isso não é lamento. Há dias em que a força de ser arranca de mim um orgulho bruto, um diamante antes do lapidar. Há uma satisfação secreta em saber que sou a única na casa que realmente sabe onde está o documento importante, a meia perdida, a chave esquecida. Que posso, sim, viver sem amor romântico, mas jamais sem amor-prático: aquele do café quente, do cobertor puxado no meio da noite, da mensagem de bom dia vinda de uma amiga que também não morreu, porque não pode.

O mundo me atravessa com a mesma violência com que olho o extrato bancário: sem pânico aparente, mas com um frio subindo pela espinha. A verdade é que já tive fome de coisas que você nem imagina. Fome de descanso, de justiça, de paz. Mas aprendi a me alimentar do que há: um gole de música ou de vinho, um papo rápido com a moça da padaria, um carinho roubado da cria que já quase não se deixa beijar. E sigo. Sem escolha, sigo.

A rotina não espera, a cidade não para e o tempo é implacável. Todos os dias acordo com a missão de manter tudo de pé, de equilibrar pratinhos invisíveis sem nunca deixar cair. E se cair? Recolho, limpo e sigo. Porque não há alternativa. Há muito tempo aprendi que, se eu parar, tudo ao redor desmorona. Então, continuo. Refaço-me nos intervalos da exaustão, me reconstruo com pedaços de esperança e sigo. E sigo, sabia"> 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