Gerações diferentes: mães revelam semelhanças e contrastes na missão de criar filhos hoje e há 30 anos

Duas mulheres que se tornaram mães em momentos bem diferentes da história se encontram para conversar sobre maternidade. Logo de cara, uma troca muito rica desenha um panorama repleto de contrastes. Pudera, são 30 anos separando suas experiências e fica fácil perceber as muitas mudanças que vieram com o avanço da tecnologia e, claro, com a chegada da internet. Mas o que salta mesmo aos olhos são as semelhanças que resistem à agem do tempo na vida de Jéssica Rusch e Ana Lúcia de Amorim. Convidadas por Donna, elas se reuniram para um bate-papo tête-à-tête, revelando que os pontos comuns a mães de diferentes gerações vão além do que muitas imaginam. 

Aos 31 anos, a gastrônoma Jéssica acaba de trazer ao mundo sua segunda filha, Lana, que ainda não completou dois meses de vida. Mas mesmo antes de conhecê-la aqui fora, a mamãe já sabia de cor os traços do rosto da filha, graças às ecografias 3D feitas ao longo da gestação, uma tecnologia bem mais avançada do que as disponíveis quando esperava a primeira filha, Lara, hoje com sete anos. Natural de Brasília, Jéssica mora há 11 anos em Porto Alegre com o marido, com quem compartilha a aventura de criar duas meninas.  

Já Ana Lúcia, 65 anos, servidora pública aposentada, é de Porto Alegre e deu à luz seu primeiro filho, Bernardo, em 1984. Um ano e sete meses depois, nasceu Maurício. A vida quase quarenta anos atrás tinha dias repletos de amor e correria atrás de dois garotos serelepes, e não contava com recursos como tablets e smartphones nem precisava lidar com a maternidade perfeita que, por vezes, é exibida online.

O impacto que as redes sociais têm sobre a autoestima de quem tornou-se mãe recentemente é um dos pontos que distinguem a realidade de hoje da que era vivenciada trinta anos atrás. Segundo a psicóloga Marisa Marantes, mães fragilizadas ou que ainda estão se reconhecendo como figuras maternas são as mais afetadas.  

— As mães atuais tendem a se comparar bem mais com as outras e seus bebês. Agora tem Instagram e Facebook, onde muitas olham as fotos e pensam “Como é que ela está tão bem, como tirou uma foto tão bonita? Eu estou cansada, o bebê só chora, não tenho dormido”. As redes sociais são uma revista, ninguém vai publicar o lado ruim, o que não significa que está tudo bem o tempo todo — afirma Marisa.

Assim como há novidades — que conferem não só desafios, mas também praticidade ao dia a dia das mães —, também há práticas que costumavam ser populares, mas estão caindo em desuso. A psicóloga e especialista em saúde mental materna Juliane Borsa cita exemplos como “deixar a criança chorando” sozinha no berço até se acalmar ou “dar palmadas” quando ela desobedece, posturas muito criticadas atualmente. Mas a especialista ressalta que é importante ter empatia.

— As mães fazem seu melhor, mas a cultura vai mudando ao longo do tempo. Por exemplo, há 40 anos se colocava a criança no andador para aprender a andar, era um sonho de consumo. Hoje ele é demonizado, argumentam que as crianças podem ter lesões graves, que não ajuda no desenvolvimento motor. Temos também uma ciência que vai evoluindo. É importante entendermos que cada mãe tem suas capacidades, seus recursos e suas necessidades e está dentro de um contexto cultural-histórico-econômico, o qual vai determinar que ela exerça sua maternidade de uma forma ou outra — afirma a psicóloga.

Rede de apoio

Na época que nossas avós se tornaram mães, a ideia da maternidade compulsória era mais forte — de forma que eram educadas para se casar e ter filhos, conforme observa Juliane Borsa. A mulher hoje tem mais ferramentas e voz para optar por não ter filhos ou tê-los no momento em que julgarem adequado. Boa parte vive uma série de experiências, conquistas profissionais e relacionamentos diferentes antes disso.

Ter uma criança que depende dela, muitas vezes, faz a mãe sentir-se sobrecarregada e solitária.

JULIANE BORSA

Psicóloga especialista em saúde mental materna

— Muitas vezes, ela é uma profissional, quer se cuidar, viajar, ter uma vida sexual satisfatória. E aí a maternidade chega e implica somar um trabalho a todos os outros que ela já assumiu. É algo complexo, pois essa mulher não é mais a dona de casa que pode viver em função dos filhos. Ter uma criança que depende dela, muitas vezes, faz a mãe sentir-se sobrecarregada e solitária, daí a importância das redes de apoio — aponta Juliane.

Nos dois momentos em que Jéssica Rusch e Ana Lúcia de Amorim falaram sobre suas redes de apoio, as vozes embargaram e os olhos encheram de lágrimas. Os elogios às mães, sogras, babás, maridos e irmãs dão a dimensão da importância dessas figuras em suas vidas. “Alicerce”, “porto-seguro” e “paz” foram as palavras que usaram para descrever esse mecanismo que possibilita que muitas mulheres criem seus filhos de forma mais leve e satisfatória.

Como foi a descoberta da gravidez?

ANA - O primeiro filho foi mais ou menos planejado. Do Bernardo, ei uma madrugada inteira mal. No outro dia, fui para minha sogra, avisei o serviço, aquela coisa toda. Procurei minha médica, que pediu exames de sangue e descobri que estava grávida. Do Maurício foi uma surpresa muito boa. Simplesmente, meu ciclo menstrual atrasou, fiz exames de sangue e descobri. Mas fiquei muito feliz.  

JÉSSICA - Estávamos casados havia quatro anos e não estávamos planejando. Minha menstruação atrasou, mas eu não tinha outros sintomas e comentei com a minha irmã que o bico do meu peito estava mais escuro. Ela, enfermeira, disse “isso aí é 100% grávida”. Fiz o teste e deu positivo. Foi um mix de sentimentos, já que na mulher muda tudo. Sobre a segunda gravidez, a Lara pedia muito um irmão. Então Lana, embora também não tenha sido muito planejada, veio para completar a família.  

Você trabalhou na gestação?  

ANA - Eu tive eclâmpsia. Grávida do Bernardo, fiquei de repouso a partir do oitavo mês. Do Maurício, foi no sétimo. Isso porque a pressão sobe, há risco de ter o nenê antes do tempo, as pernas incham muito.  

JÉSSICA - Na primeira gestação eu estava estudando Enfermagem, é um curso que tem pressão, pois lidamos com a vida de outras pessoas. Aí, tranquei a faculdade e a gravidez foi tranquila. Quando engravidei da Lana, estava começando meu negócio de doces, então dei uma pausa de novo. Tive diabetes gestacional, mas não tão grave. Tivemos que diminuir as quantidades de doces, principalmente balas Fini (risos).  

Quanto tempo de licença-maternidade você teve?  

ANA - Foi uma licença de três meses e depois trabalho de meio período por mais dois meses, para poder amamentar.  

JÉSSICA - Não tive e foi meu marido quem proporcionou que eu pudesse ficar mais tranquila, diminuir o ritmo, controlar a ansiedade.  

Como foi o pré-natal? Fez algum exame de imagem para ver o sexo do bebê?  

ANA - Eu fiz ecografia. Quando estava grávida do Maurício, achei que fosse uma menina. Comprei brinquinho, pulseirinha, mas me enganei. Por causa da eclâmpsia fiz mais eco, para acompanhar. E ainda assim, a médica deixou ar da hora (o nascimento). Eu tinha todos os sintomas, mas ela disse que não poderia me atender, que estava tudo normal. Não estava. Quando cheguei ao hospital, ele já estava nascendo. O Maurício inaugurou a UTI neonatal do Moinhos de Vento, a chance era de 5% de sobrevivência. Ele teve todo um acompanhamento neurológico, foi bem complicado, mas hoje está aí, maravilhoso, ficou ótimo.   

JÉSSICA - Meu pré-natal foi diferente para cada uma das filhas. Em sete anos bastante coisa mudou, antes não tinha tanto 3D. Fiz sete ou oito ecografias da Lara, mas foi só uma vez que pude ver o rostinho dela e super-rápido. Com a Lana, toda ecografia que fiz — umas oito também, para acompanhar — eu via, já sabia como ela ia vir. Parece um boneco de cera. Fico pensando: se em sete anos mudou tanto, imagina em 30, quando foi a Ana. É muito tempo. A minha mãe também. Na época dela, não fez ecografia, a gente nasceu pelo milagre de Deus. Eu também tive exames bem mais sofisticados nessa gestação. Em sete anos a tecnologia despontou de maneira surreal.   

Minha rede de apoio foram minha sogra, uma diarista muito querida, que se tornou amiga, e meu marido.

ANA LÚCIA DE AMORIM

Servidora pública aposentada

Você tem uma rede de apoio?  

ANA - A minha rede de apoio foi a minha sogra. Fiquei um mês na casa dela quando ganhei o Bernardo, com ela me dando carinho e amor imensos. Durante esse tempo em que fiquei lá, tinha uma diarista muito querida, a Bina, que se tornou uma amiga. Eu fui cantando ela até que ela fez uma experiência, indo uma ou duas vezes por semana à minha casa. Até que ela disse “não tem jeito, me apaixonei, vou ficar contigo”. E meu marido, que é um pai fantástico, daqueles que troca a fralda dos dois ao mesmo tempo e acompanha na escolinha. 

JÉSSICA - A minha mãe, minha irmã e meu marido, que são essenciais. Por minha mãe tenho gratidão eterna. Sem ela do meu lado, não sei o que iria fazer. Ela é a segunda mãe da Lana e é tudo pra mim. Meu marido cuida muito da bebê, principalmente de madrugada, canta para ela, e ajuda a dar atenção à filha maior. É um paizão! A iração que tenho por ele é demais. E com minha irmã, que é enfermeira, a gente fica mais aliviado.  

Como foi criar dois homens e como tu achas que te sairias hoje?  

ANA - Hoje uma série de coisas seriam totalmente diferentes. Internet, celular, tudo que não tinha. Eles brincavam muito, o Bernardo era arteiro, de subir em árvore, caminhar em cima do muro, entrar na casa da vizinha pela janela. Os dois se criaram brincando muito. Hoje, acho que seria completamente diferente, talvez mais difícil. Até para quem tem carteira assinada já é mais complicado. Meu marido é funcionário, tinha coisas que subiam seu salário e nos davam e maior. Hoje é mais difícil, tem que ir mais à luta.  

Aos quatro anos, já tive que ensinar para a Lara que ninguém pode tocar no corpo dela. É duro para uma mãe falar sobre isso.

JÉSSICA RUSCH

Gastrônoma

Como é criar duas mulheres na atualidade"> 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